Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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