If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
