Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
one might say we're banned from that church
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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