Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i think my cat just said my name.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
