Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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