i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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