i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you would pick up someone in the library
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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