Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
