I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
