If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
