Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize