i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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