he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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