come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
