Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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