nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
