I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
