i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
