cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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