I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
