I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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