May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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