Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
pray to the hookup gods
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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