I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
