Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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