Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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