Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
