Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize