why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
