I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
