Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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