I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
