this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
