NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
