Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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