Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
