i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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