i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
