i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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