Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Fuck appropriateness.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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