Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
