I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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