i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
