I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
