your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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