If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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