I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
