Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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