Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
