I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
