let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
