like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
