yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
