this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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