im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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