sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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