I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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