your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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