ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
