There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
