Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
