I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
