I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
